Oh, yeah, that.

Oh, right. It's Valentine's Day.

I've never had a good Valentine's Day, to be honest. I've only been in love two or three times in my life and only once has that turned into a real relationship and only then was I lucky enough to have it happen around this time of year.

Actually, it was ten years ago today, to be exact.

And even then, the day was mostly ruined because I didn't have my own mode of transportation and I was stuck with someone waiting for something that never arrived. So I missed out on a romantic dinner because I wasn't thinking and didn't think to call him until I got home.

Honestly, I don't see the point anymore. Romance is hard to come by these days what with people living hundreds of miles away from each other and our overall ability to be so busy with our own lives that we ignore the people around us for the most part.

I'm not saying that I don't think I'm going to fall in love again. I know I will because it's in my nature. But will I fall in love with someone who's good for me, or available, or compatable with me and my personality? Vegas odds say no. I've pretty much cut off all ties to everyone except a small group of people in the area. Even my online friends are few and far between anymore. It seems like no one has time to talk or even cares enough.

I still like my life, though. I like being able to go a whole day without hearing someone's drama coming dangerously close to my life. I don't miss Dany or Wil or Ryan or April or Chris. All of them were ultimately bad for me because they have issues in their lives they refuse to address. Dany thinks that love is something you force out of someone. Like you can beat someone into submission so they'll love you. Wil thinks you can buy it and turn a blind eye to their shortcommings which only makes him a sad pathetic man. Ryan... Well, let's just say that you can't love someone else until you learn to love yourself and all your faults, while working to overcome those faults. April is basically like Dany. She thinks that to love someone is to control their every action and movement. To be the queen over everyone around her so that way they can't hurt her. Of course, it never works and her ability to go from rage to calm rivals that of a tornado's accuracy. Chris... You know, I'm just never going to mention him again, because really he's not worth mentioning. It was a mistake for me to put trust in him a second time after the first time that he wantonly screwed me over. The hilarious part is that here in a year or so, he's going to show back up and be all so sorry for what he did and how he acted. I've already told others that it would be in his best intrest to not try and sell me that sob story again.

I'll admit sometimes I think about them, but I don't miss them. I just feel sorry for them and their circles of deception they turn on. Oh, and Jandy. Lord, I do not miss her at all. So morally inferior while trying to act like some kind of saint. Admitting your mistakes is the first step you take to correcting them. Of course, I guess that's a lesson they could all learn. The amazing thing about all this is that most of these people are older than me and have had chance upon chance to change their ways and they've outright refused. It boggles the mind.

Here's the funny part and why I bring them all up. They all have a significant other. A lover, a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband or wife. And here I am all alone. Nice guys do indeed finish last it seems. Oh, I don't think I'm a saint either. I'm just saying, I'm trying to be a better person than what I could be and no one's sent me flowers today. Much less a "fuck you" card.

But, that's life. You just gotta take it as it goes. I'm happy with what I have and who I have in my life. But, there's always room for one more.

Boring?

So, I'm updating. Not that there's anything to update, really. Things here are going at about the same speed and in the same direction as it has been since the last time I updated.

I know it would appear that things are boring in my life and I guess in some ways it is. But I find it comfortable. I have a wonderful puppy that I'm taking care of and I'm working my job in the hopes that someday my work will pay off.

Oh, yeah! I got a puppy!

He's adorable to put it simply. His name is Buddie. Another sheltie breed the same as Sammy. We got him at the beginning on November when he was six weeks old. He's more a typical sheltie than Sam is, really. He's shy when he first meets someone. He's constantly curious about his surroundings and he loves to play and be silly and annoy Sam.

It took awhile for Sam to get used to him. The first month, Sam wouldn't even look at him. I mean turning his head and acting like Buddie wasn't even there. But as Buddie got bigger and bigger (and my GODS that boy has grown) eventually Sammy couldn't just politely pretend he didn't exist. Luckilly they get along really well. The only downside is that I think they'd have a lot more fun running around outside than being stuck inside all day. For that reason we're all looking forward to spring so we can just let them out and let them be stupid and silly in a big yard.

But, I love him. He's great. We're trying to break him from chewing EVERYTHING and hopefully once the rest of his big boy teeth come in, he'll stop. If not, then there will be beatings to report. It's doubly great coming home from work or whatever. They both get so excited to see me. Buddie most of all because he looks to me to protect him and take care of him. He barely trusts mom, which I can't say I don't like. He's definately my dog and everyone's said so. He's got his own sense of humor and his own moods.

Lots of people think dogs are stupid. For the longest time I was one of them. Who would want a stupid dog that'll love you no matter what you did to it when you could have a cat that'll make you earn their love? Well, that's just not true. Yes, there are stupid dogs out there. But most of them love you because you care about them and they know it. And when you get mad at them for things they did, it's not that they stupidly go back to you and lick your hand because they forgot you got mad at them. That's their way of telling you they're sorry.

I remember when I moved back home from living in Canton for two years. And for the first few months Sam would refuse to let me leave his sight without him flying into a rage. I didn't get it at first until one day we were outside together while I was smoking. Sam walked up to me, put his head on my knee and just looked up at me like he'd done something wrong. Of course, I'd been watching him so I knew he hadn't done anything so I found his appologetic mood weird. After a minute or so, I realized what he was trying to tell me. To put it into words, his eyes were telling me, "I'm sorry for whatever it was that I did that made you go away and I promise I'll be a good dog from now on."

I have to admit, I got a few tears looking at that sad lonely face. Here I was just living my life and he took it personally. So, he got extra lovins that day and we sat and watched TV snuggled up on my bed that night. Oh, yeah, you can't just sit with Sam. He insists you cuddle with him. The best thing about Sheltie's, I think, is that they almost demand physical contact just to make them feel better. And it also makes you feel a little better to. You know that no matter what the world throws at you, there's someone waiting for you at home with a happy, wagging tail and a few licks of love to welcome you home where you belong.