All this posting is just my way of trying to make up for those big holes in time where I didn't post crap.
So, I was cruising around the internet after setting up my appointment with the lawyer (her name is Tiffany and I'm going to try REALLY HARD not to hold that against her) I decided to read a blog of a friend of mine just to see what's going on in their world. It was one of those usual update on the holiday things we all usually post ("we all" not including me because the holiday was so unexciting it wasn't worth reporting) but in the middle of it, there was this thing about an ex girlfriend of his. I'm not going to go into lots of specifics cause it's late and I should at least be in bed at this point if not asleep, but anyway...
So, he makes this observation about how a 19 year old has aspirations towards relationships that a 27 year old doesn't have. When I saw it, all I could think was WELL, DUH....
Don't get me wrong, I love this guy ta pieces and any woman out there in internetland reading this should know they could only be so lucky to find a guy like this (Don't say I never did anything for you Jason) but how could he not have seen that one coming?
When you're young (and stupid, because it goes hand in hand) you have this idea built up in your mind of how a relationship is supposed to be. Now, obviously not everyone's ideal relationship is the same, because if it was, there'd be no challange in actually finding someone to share your life with. For me it was supposed to be like the movies where there's sweeping epics of the triumph of love over the petty and bitter obstacles of life. Oh, yes, internet, I was down right stupid when I was 19. Love conquered all and nothing could stand in it's way so long as I held to the belief.
Screw that, relationships don't work that way and they never really do. Relationships are HARD!!! They take nearly constant work and upkeep to maintain them. When you get into a relationship with someone you have to really want it bad. You have to accept the fact that there are going to be bad days that go along with the good. Nothing's going to be cut and dry like we'd want them to. I look back at who I was at 19 and I can't help but wonder why so many people thought I was smart. I see nothing but a stupid kid who had a lot of growing up to do. In some ways I still do and that goes for just about everyone else I know to.
If you want a relationship to work, you have to realize that your ideal chimerical sweetness and light dream of how you'd like to live with someone is going to shrivel up and die in the harsh glare of reality. It happens. It always happens. It always will happen. If you can accept this, you're one step ahead of everyone else. His relationship with her was doomed from the beginning because she wasn't prepared (at least, from what I've learned about her from him) to change her ideal to fit him. I think we can all say that we've been in her shoes and in his too. There's nothing really wrong with it. It's just one of those things. One thing I can't stress enough to young people who are in relationships that they thing are going to last forever is that, "Yes, Virginia, it's ok to have an arguement and the occasional fight with your boy/girlfriend." So long as it doesn't get physical (unless that's what you're into) it's perfectly fine to not see eye to eye on occastion.
It's not ok, though, to sidestep those fights and then use that arguement at a later date. That's the equivalent of sucker punching someone and anyone knows that sucker punches are a no no. If you love the person you're with, then you love them enough to put up with the occasional shit.
Just thought I'd share my opinion because, well, ya know. It's my website and all. I can say anything I want.
Ok. Seriously. Bedtime.
So, he makes this observation about how a 19 year old has aspirations towards relationships that a 27 year old doesn't have. When I saw it, all I could think was WELL, DUH....
Don't get me wrong, I love this guy ta pieces and any woman out there in internetland reading this should know they could only be so lucky to find a guy like this (Don't say I never did anything for you Jason) but how could he not have seen that one coming?
When you're young (and stupid, because it goes hand in hand) you have this idea built up in your mind of how a relationship is supposed to be. Now, obviously not everyone's ideal relationship is the same, because if it was, there'd be no challange in actually finding someone to share your life with. For me it was supposed to be like the movies where there's sweeping epics of the triumph of love over the petty and bitter obstacles of life. Oh, yes, internet, I was down right stupid when I was 19. Love conquered all and nothing could stand in it's way so long as I held to the belief.
Screw that, relationships don't work that way and they never really do. Relationships are HARD!!! They take nearly constant work and upkeep to maintain them. When you get into a relationship with someone you have to really want it bad. You have to accept the fact that there are going to be bad days that go along with the good. Nothing's going to be cut and dry like we'd want them to. I look back at who I was at 19 and I can't help but wonder why so many people thought I was smart. I see nothing but a stupid kid who had a lot of growing up to do. In some ways I still do and that goes for just about everyone else I know to.
If you want a relationship to work, you have to realize that your ideal chimerical sweetness and light dream of how you'd like to live with someone is going to shrivel up and die in the harsh glare of reality. It happens. It always happens. It always will happen. If you can accept this, you're one step ahead of everyone else. His relationship with her was doomed from the beginning because she wasn't prepared (at least, from what I've learned about her from him) to change her ideal to fit him. I think we can all say that we've been in her shoes and in his too. There's nothing really wrong with it. It's just one of those things. One thing I can't stress enough to young people who are in relationships that they thing are going to last forever is that, "Yes, Virginia, it's ok to have an arguement and the occasional fight with your boy/girlfriend." So long as it doesn't get physical (unless that's what you're into) it's perfectly fine to not see eye to eye on occastion.
It's not ok, though, to sidestep those fights and then use that arguement at a later date. That's the equivalent of sucker punching someone and anyone knows that sucker punches are a no no. If you love the person you're with, then you love them enough to put up with the occasional shit.
Just thought I'd share my opinion because, well, ya know. It's my website and all. I can say anything I want.
Ok. Seriously. Bedtime.
posted by Not Your TGM | 12:09 PM
13 Comments:
Hhm. I think my friends who pointed out the different age-based relationship aspirations were going after something a bit different than you're talking about here, Jon. I think they meant that, at 27, I'm more likely to be interested in a relationship that builds towards something more permanent, but that a 19 year old, while not necessarily in it just for a fling, probably wouldn't be looking any further ahead than next year or graduation or similar.
I guess that's true, as far as it goes (though, as I said on my blog, right now I'd just be happy with a relationship that isn't screwed up), and is its own set of problems for a couple to deal with, but the problems you're talking about are the argumentative type. That didn't happen here; we didn't get into a fight, weren't together long enough to get into a fight. And, maybe stupidly, I want to give the young lady enough credit to think that, even at 19, she wasn't going to cut and run just because of a spat. But that's me, and even though I hate people, I really like people, too.
Was I her ideal guy? Was she unwilling to change her ideal to match me? I don't know, not for sure. But I'd like to think that she told me the truth; that I seemed perfect for her and there was just some spark that was missing. If only because then I can call that spark her own unwillingness, at 19, to find her perfect guy. Maybe it's my own ego getting in the way, but that feels more satisfying (and rings more true) than any alternative explanation I can think of.
Which is not to say you're wrong, Jon. You're not. Relationships do take hard work and there will certainly be arguments. It's just that I don't see how that's what was going on here.
Thanks for the compliment, by the way. Now if only you actually knew girls in Seattle... ;)
Well... Since you mentioned it, I do know _one_ girl in Seattle...
The problem being that this actually fills me with trepidation; I just assume that people who know you can't be all quite right in the head...
^_^
Well I know OF one girl in Seatle and I think that Jons Comment was probably directed towards her.... and while she probably isnt quite right in the head
A) Who is?
B) Show me a woman that is and well the earth is gonna come crashing down
C) If I was to ever get off my butt and get the money to move out there she probably run to you after my flirting scared the crap out of her
Somehow, Zach, your attempts to be reasurring have failed altogether...
Besides, this is Jon we're talking about. If he actually wanted to set me up with the girl, really thought it was a good match or whatever, he would have already arranged for the two of us to be trapped in an elevator together with only a bottle of good merlot for company.
Merlot is so 90's my man take it from me Cabernet is the new Merlot... I personally recomend Far Neinte it is a Sonoma that is the closest think to orgasam in a wine glass possible it is so worth the price if we are talking about getting laid
Now you of all people should understand that the Dox (or Karma backlash) Jon would take for such an action if he wasnt present woudnt be pretty
As if I cared about the "in" wine. I like what I like, and I prefer Merlot to Cab.
As for the rest, yeah, I guess you're right. It /would/ be Vulgar Magick to set me up with someone. ^_^
Especially if it meant someone who ..... hell I am not even gonna go into the list of the things that wouldnt wrecking the relationship from the very begining
Even on my best days, you confuse the hell out of me.
Even you realize that while only marginally so I am a lot less confusing IRL.... sometimes
Sometimes. Now if only I had the $$$ to hang with you IRL again. Been entirely too long in that department.
For you and Jon both.
Yeah Jon and I are trying to figgure out a way to come see you or get you here....
That'd be totally sweet.
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